Fatherhood

Alright, alright, the masses have spoken. I'll do my best to reflect upon this new hat I'm wearing that says "Daddy."

Ok, if it isn't the heart of honesty it isn't worth posting. The first thought I have when I ponder fatherhood is that I feel like I'm trailblazing. (How's that for you Jenna? Remember that continuous discussion?) As many of my regular readers are aware, I didn't have the best example of how to be a father from my father. Some would say I didn't really have a father, just a much older brother. The fact that he was mostly out of the house since I was four simply adds to this feeling: I'm the first "daddy" in my family.

And as the first "daddy" I've already received my first Father's Day present (from Vanessa before Isaac was born (in fact, I think it was before he had a name)) and it is his first baseball glove. I'm very excited to be able to spend time with my son! Exposing him to all the different sports that I know and finding out which ones he likes (he has no choice regarding Ultimate Frisbee. He's going to like that one.)

I tend to see kids differently now. Every child I see is a possibility of what Isaac might become. So as I'm exiting the mall and I see the losers who have nothing better to do but smoke and loiter I ponder how they got to that point and what can I do to keep Isaac from it. I watch the LLWS and see parents who are clearly living vicariously through their kids and pray that I never do that. I look at some of the mistakes my folks made and hope I do better. There is a lot to think about as a dad. I want to discover who Isaac is and then encourage him in those areas while at the same time shaping him to be a man of God. I foresee it as being a very delicate balance.

I've heard many people say that their favorite time is when their children were newborns. Advising us that they are so cute at this time and we should cherish it. Yeah. I guess that's true. But the flip side of that is it's so hard to interact with a being that just eats, poops, sleeps, and burps. Recently, he's begun smiling and laughing. This is a major step forward and has been the highlight of my days. When my son wakes up and sees that I'm home from work and flashes he cute little smile and utters his backwards laugh (he inhales as he laughs, instead of exhaling) I'm borderline speechless.

While I'm unable to feed Isaac without some planning ahead, I have found something I'm quite good at. Getting him to sleep. I think my record is two point eight minutes. The only problem is that he's so comfortable in my arms that he nearly always wakes up when I try to put him in his bed. Would anyone like to know the song I sing to my son that calms him the most? I've tried many. Here's the winner.

Another word of advice I've oft heard is that my life will never be the same. The problem is that it is nearly always said as a negative. "Oh? You're having a baby? Well, your life will never be the same. It's over!" Instead of what I've found to be the truth: "My life will never be the same." It's beginning anew; just as it did when I wed my love.

I've been all over the world and seen a lot of amazing sights; a little boy who's been experiencing this world for just over two months who is the living example of the love that my wife and I share may just be on the top of that list.