What a Joke

So, while I realize I'm slowly becoming that guy that I was complaining about in my last post (the guy who never posts) I'm doing my best to entertain you with my thoughts. The next two posts are going to be all about things that I think are complete jokes. This post will be the non-sports post, and tomorrows will be the sports post, (though not entirely major league sports.)

First up:

Hollywood: More specifically "Snakes on a plane." Here's the plot, concentrate because it's complicated: An assassin puts a piece of luggage on a plane. It's full of snakes. The luggage is programmed to open at a certain time releasing these snakes... that are on a plane. The snakes start killing people... who are on the plane. Because the assassin wants to kill on specific passenger... who is on said plane. Can't wait to catch this one!

What is wrong with Hollywood that they can't put out a good movie anymore unless it was a book or a movie before?! Have all of the creative people packed up and vacated the left coast? Here's the biggest joke of this movie: It was the highest grossing movie at the box office this weekend, out dueling the other intellectual movie out right now: "Ricky Bobby: Ballad of Talladega Nights."

Teen Choice Awards: As though our culture wasn't youth oriented enough, now we have the Teen Choice Awards. This respectable awards show has such categories as "Choice Liplock," "Choice Hottie," "Choice Rumble," and "Choice Grill." (For those of you who are too old to know what a grill is, it is not the following: the barbeque in your backyard, the metal grate in front of your car radiator, or an interrogation scene. It's teeth. The celebs all had gold, silver, or jewels attached to their teeth!) The award given is a 6 foot surf board. This award is so all encompassing it deals with movies, TV, and music.

Ooo ooo, and this year's broadcast included the first live performance of K-Fed! (That's Kevin Federline, you know, the nobody who married Brittany Spears and now is some amazing singer! Lucky for her that she married someone so talented!)

My major issues with this concept are as follows: First: It's nearly impossible to create a piece of entertainment that is appropriate for 13 year olds and yet will hold the attention of a modern 17 or 18 year old. There is WAY too much of a difference between the beginning of the teen years and the end to have something that would attract all teens. The solution to this is to entertain the older teens knowing that the younger will watch anyway. Isn't that part of our problem? Don't we have kids in sixth grade acting like they are juniors in high school? Aren't researchers giving sex surveys to middle schoolers because they are no longer acting like middle schoolers? Second: Doesn't this simply encourage Hollywood to pander to this age group even more? Aren't we sick of movies like Ricky Bobby and American Pie? Third: I heard a song the other day that had a line "I'm going to be 18 until I die." This is another major problem I see. Our society LOVES youth. We yearn for it and try to keep it as long as we can. Skin care, hair replacement, even TV shows (that 70's show so 30 and 40 year olds can relive their youth) are signs of our desire to remain young. But what are the consequences of that? Divorce because we shirk responsibility? Teen drug use and pregnancy because we'd rather be their friends than their parents? Does our culture of "I'm a victim" stem from our desire to remain young? This award show is not necessary, nor is it benificial. Finally: Do you really think that the celebs take this seriously? Do you think Reese Witherspoon is going to put her surf board next to her Oscar statuette?

There were a few redeeming points of this laugh-fest. Several winners tried to use the acceptance speech as a platform to send out a good message to the youth. Sandra Bullock (who won for Choice Liplock with Keanu Reeves) encouraged people to be faithful in marriage (Keanu didn't really get it and was somewhat countered what she said, but not terribly). Jessica Alba (who won for choice hottie) attempted to encourage teens not to be obsessed with their looks. She thanked her hair and make up people and the photographers and graphic artists who had been air brushing her for years. She opened her thank you speech with, "We need to remember that looks don't matter, accept in this category." One other surprise was that "She's the Man" (a modern retelling of Shakespeare’s "Twelfth Night") took home Choice comedy or musical.

Don't forget to check back tomorrow for the complete jokes that I've seen recently in sports!