Halloween

Happy Reformation Day! Often forgotten in the shadow of ever shrinking "fun size" candy bars is the anniversary of Martin Luther posting his 95 thesis on the Wittenburg Door sparking the Protestant Revolution! Thanks Marty!

While we anticipate neither our Full House nor Wild Card will participate in Halloween in the traditional sense, it was always my favorite "Holiday." It was the only one where effort had a direct correlation to reward. Sure "Santa" might give you coal (you've got some sick parents if you ever actually received coal) and nobody doesn't get stuff for their birthday, but, with proper planning, Halloween could end in a massive haul.

Seriously, I would game plan for a week before. I couldn't wait to get out of school to prepare for my super bowl. I had maps of my neighborhood that were color coated with categories such as best candy givers, open early, close late, skip this house, friends live here -- all of these had an impact on the route that I would take. I'd plan to pass my house several times during the evening to drop off my loot and pick up a new pillowcase (They were strategically placed for quick transfer). In my stragetery, I came up with a few perennial rules that never failed me. Now that I'm no longer out there, for the first time ever, here is my list of rules. Those of you who still participate in this ritual, feel free to imitate how an expert once did Halloween. Read and learn:

Rule 1) Use a pillowcase! Not a plastic pumpkin, not something that goes with your costume theme, not a bag. Pillow cases hold a ton without limiting the grabability near the top. It's difficult for candy-givers to determine how much candy you already have because pillowcases don't show off your current amount of loot. You can run with a pillowcase and not have to fear that anything is going to fall out. Ever try running with one of those plastic pumpkins?

Rule 2) No Masks! If you must wear a mask, it comes off between houses. You can't run in a mask because your breath condenses inside, it limits your vision and stumbles could cost time and candy.

Rule 3) Hit the rich houses last! That's right, last. Why? The houses that give out the king sized bars are gonna give out one at a time unless they think the night is almost over. That's when they tell you to take a few, or, if you've arrived at the perfect time, the rest. The houses that you missed because they've run out of candy is more than made up for with the extras that you've received from the other homes.

Rule 4) Home-made costumes only! Your generic American candy giver is much more likely to drop a few extra pieces in your pillow case if it looks like you put some effort into your costume rather than went out an purchased that years version of the Harry Potter costume.

Rule 5) Do NOT go in a group! If you must, be with a sibling, but whenever possible, go as the only trick-or-treater with a parent visible standing several yards back. When there are eight pillow-cases held out, each gets one piece. When there's one, more candy falls.

Rule 6) Take two When the bowl is held out and the giver tells you to take a few. Ponder your choices and politely take two. My experience shows that approximately 60% of the time, the giver will drop two or three more into your bag because you were polite and didn't grab a handful. Had you grabbed, you might have gotten 3 or 4. Politely taking 2 nets you a possible 4 or 5.

Rule 7) Make a pit stop! Always make at least one stop back home to empty your pillowcase. If you look like you haven't gotten much, you'll get more. Depending on how late you are starting your final run, leave a little in the bottom of your loot-bag so it looks like you got a late start, not that you are just starting out.

Now, I give these rules in the hopes of sparking a little nostalgia, cause a few chuckles and to raise the following question:

How long will this tradition survive? With fear we send our children to schools where they are greeted with metal detectors. We request that they text us repeatedly when they are at the mall. And yet we allow them to dress up and meander the streets knocking on the doors of neighbors (who we don't know) in the dark with hundreds of other strangers walking about supposedly chaperoning other children.

One of two things must be true: Either we are unnecessarily uber-paranoid 364 days out of the year and Halloween night is actually how our society would be if given the opportunity. Or our daily concern is warranted and we are recklessly irresponsible on Halloween night.