The ACLfUture

The ACLU is getting involved in many holiday issues as the Christmas season roles around. Many Christmas trees are being called "holiday trees" as they stand next to the "holiday candle holder."

How does the ACLU decide which side of an argument they are going to defend. Shouldn't they really defend both sides? They are the American Civil Liberties Union. Well, it's my civil liberty to call a Christmas tree a Christmas tree! In fact, I'm offended by people calling them holiday trees. So I demand that the "Reverend" Al Sharpton speak out about my rights!

That's always what it seems to be though: The ACLU jumps in when people are "offended" (or when it's against the church. EI the teacher in the private Catholic school who got pregnant and then got fired for violating the statement of conduct that she signed. They jumped all over that one (although, they are secretly ill over the fact that this unmarried woman is actually keeping the baby!))

Well let's see what people are offended by: The British-Americans are offended by our calling potato chips "chips." European-Americans are offended by our calling American Football "Football." Chinese-Americans are offended by what we call "Chinese food." So what does our future look like?

"Oh my! I was on my cooshy long chair (People named Sophia are offended at the name Sofa) watching 11 grown men in close fitting uniforms throw each other on the ground ("Football" is no longer a legal name). In fact it was the Washington Aboriginal Americans (Can't say Redskins) vs the Oakland Counter Cultural Seafaring Alternative Money Getters (Raiders is certainly out!). I was eating some thinly sliced deep fried potato slices (can't use "chips") when I started to asphyxiate! (New York Yankees fans have patented the term "Choke") I called the emergency number (Families of the victims of 9/11 sued) and some EMTs (for some reason, no one is upset about that one) from the hospital that is named after the person affiliated with the church (The names of saints are no longer allowed to be spoken) came to help. They administered the Heim maneuver (Heimlich was too German offending WWII veterans and survivors of the holocaust) and I could breath again! Afterwards, they commented on my holiday decorations, my inflatable snowpeople (no more "snowmen") and my lifesized Big Red Suited Gift Giver (Santa Claus was originally St. Nick... The church is a no-no!)"

Hurray for the ACLU, making everything generic!

(Required legal disclaimer: Just my opinion)