Alright, for years we've been told that spanking our children is baaaaad. It can cause irreparable damage to their psyche and emotions! Who knows how they might end up? They could grow up to be (gasp) strange, like me! (On a side note, good for the Canadian Supreme Court for upholding a law allowing parents to spank their children as long as they are between the ages of 2 and 12.)
So, we've been told that we need to find different ways to discipline and punish our children. For example: Rewards for behavior that used to be expected. "Oh, you cleaned your room! Excellent, here's a dollar." 100 years ago it was "Oh, you plowed the corn field! Excellent, you get to eat."
Here is what should be a shining example: A mother (Tasha Henderson) in Oklahoma has a 14 year old girl who was causing problems. Ms. Henderson's daughter was mouthing off against her mother and teachers, she was getting bad grades, and she was being disruptive in school. Worried about where such behavior might lead her daughter, Ms. Henderson made her daughter stand at an intersection with a sign that read: "I don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents are preparing me for my future. Will work for food."
Brilliant!
Now, as I was reading this article, I was thinking, I wonder if it will be tomorrow or the next day when I hear that DSS is looking into this situation.
I didn't have to wait that long. The article went on to say, "While Henderson stood next to her daughter at the intersection, a passing motorist called police with a report of psychological abuse, and an Oklahoma City police officer took a report." It takes a village doesn't it? Yup, it takes a village of people who don't know what's going on in that home to declare that what was being done was wrong and detrimental to the child.
So, what can we learn from this? We can learn that punishment and discipline cannot be 1)Physically painful (no spanking) 2)Emotionally harmful (no humiliation) 3)Psychologically damaging (no reprimanding) 4)Effective! Why are we surprised that we cannot get control of the drug culture? Why are we surprised that we cannot curb teen pregnancies? Why are we surprised that we cannot keep our kids in school? Modern psychology says that we cannot discipline our children!
The article quoted a child-development professional: "Donald Wertlieb, a professor of child development at the Eliot-Pearson Department of Child Development at Tufts University, warned that such punishment could do extreme emotional damage. He said rewarding positive behavior is more effective.
"The trick is to catch them being good," he said. "It sounds like this mother has not had a chance to catch her child being good or is so upset over seeing her be bad, that's where the focus is."
"Catch them being good?" Catch them? Like they are sneaking around being good on the sly? Maybe the mother was focused on the bad because that was the majority of what was happening?! And look, this genius is teaching others how to rear children!
I've heard supposed professionals regarding potty training go so far as to say, "don't rush them. When they are ready to be potty trained, they will let you know." Yeah, and in the mean time you've got a 7 year old wearing diapers! There is a reason that adults have children, so that children can learn to be adults! That will not happen if we let kids do their own thing! Am I the only one who's read "Lord of the Flies?"
Mudflaps mentioned during a discussion regarding this that he'd like to see the "statistics" of parents who are Child-development "professionals." We're all wagering that a majority of their kids are messed up! Hey, Pro, Question for ya: What's the difference between this and Oprah sending troubled teens to a Juvi jail or even an adult facility to see where they are headed? huh? As Abraxis said, "Why do judges get to dole out "creative punishments" if parents can't?"
What was the result of this "psychologically damaging" punishment? "Tasha Henderson said her daughter's attendance has been perfect and her behavior has been better since the incident...Coretha, a soft-spoken girl, acknowledged the punishment was humiliating but said it got her attention. "I won't talk back," she said quietly"
The article added, "There wasn't any criminal act involved that the officer could see that would require any criminal investigation," Master Sgt. Charles Phillips said. "DSS may follow up." DSS spokesman Doug Doe would not comment on whether an investigation was opened, but suggested such a case would probably not be a high priority." Well, I'm happy to hear that.
The preceding rant has been brought to you by: Just my opinion.
7 comments:
Amen!
Well, as noted, we've already discussed this, so I needn't rehash anything. I will say, however, that I disagree with parents spanking their children. That doesn't mean I'd call them criminal, just that I truly don't believe it's an effective method of punishment. Inflicting physical pain teaches a person nothing except to fear the beater. This mother's punishment was/stands to be much more effective. Bullying through pain is no answer.
Also, can you imagine being spanked at 12 years old?
no, not at 12... when I was 12 the "spanking" moved from my bum to my face, because it usually meant that I swore.
There are some behaviors that require a hand/bum smack. I do not suggest it for all behavioral problems.
If a child is going to either: cause themselves pain (Touch a hot stove, run into traffic.) or continue to disobey having been warned that the next course of action is a spanking then I think it is warrented. In the first case, their action was going to cause pain anyway so a painful punishment "fits the crime." Being warned allows the child to learn that there are consequences for thier actions and they brought it upon themselves.
Here's MY question: what are your emotions the first time you spank your kid?!
wait a sec, if I'm going to touch a hot stove, do you really think I care about a spanking? I'm a masochist for cripes' sake! Ok, maybe if the kid is failing to understand that pain is not agreeable. Then slight pain as a preview might make sense. And I agree about the warning, but a warning will work just as well if it's some other punishment, such as I'll make you stand on the street corner with a sign like a big idiot.
I just don't think spanking makes any kind of sense. What do you do with a kid who lacks the ability to feel pain? cut off his leg? How do you gauge a person's threshold for pain? And why aren't we discussing this on your blog, which is in dire need of feedback?
mmm, disregard the last line. This was originally discussed through email.
I really, really enjoyed this post. A hearty Amen from me, too.
I was spanked as a kid with a double-bonded, black Italian leather belt--and it worked. What I take issue with is the fact that I was more aware of the anger of my dad than at the fact that I was being "disciplined." On the other hand, if my parents had been as creative as this woman in discipline, I might have been more likely to control myself. :)
"Here's MY question: what are your emotions the first time you spank your kid?! "
Great question!
My thoughts:
The first time, you are by-the-book. You say to yourself "this is the discipline approach I have decided on and I'm going to go ahead and do it." Rational thought vs. care and protection for your offspring are both trying to weigh-in on why you are about to inflict pain on your own child. "It's for their own good" "I hope it doesn't hurt him/her." "This will teach them." "Dear God, please let this teach them. Cause right now it's harder for me, than for them." And then you remember DSS and think "Please God don't let this bruise him/her." And then you decide is it one swat or the one-swat-per-word-describing-their-offense as in "you (swat)-will(swat)-never(swat)-blah-blah-again(swat)" Whichever way, they're crying. You're thinking about crying. And mostly you're just trying desperately to be doing the spanking "not out of anger, but for the discipline of the child. never discipline them out of your anger" (Dobson, I think)- so you're asking yourself--- AM I DOING THIS RIGHT??? And you're hoping and praying it works. Like everything else in parenting, you're just trying to stay one step ahead of them!
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