Friday, September 08, 2006

Speaking at Harvard

The following is a survey for potential speakers at Harvard University.

Please fill out the following questionnaire to determine your suitability for speaking at the prestigious Harvard University:

    1) Are you:
      A) The leader of the free world?
      B) A very successful business man?
      C) White
      D) The leader of an international terrorist organization?
      E) Anyone who strongly disagrees with the current administration?
If your answer is A, B, or C, please stop here, you are not suitable to speak at Harvard.

If you answer was D, please answer the following:
    2) Which best describes you:
      A) I am a reformed terrorist. I have turned in many of my former comrades in destruction.
      B) I support them only with money. I have not attended any training camps.
      C) I desire to see the entirety of America in flames
If your answer is A or B, please stop here, you are not suitable to speak at Harvard.

If your answer to question 1 was E, please answer the following:
    3) Which best describes you:
      A) I voice my dissent at the voting booth only.
      B) I actively campaigned for an opponent of this administration who was not a Libertarian
      C) I have been arrested more times than I can count because of my demonstrating against this administration
If your answer is A or B, please stop here, you are not suitable to speak at Harvard.

If you have made it this far, please answer yes or no to the following:
    4) Do you know what an IED is?
    5) Have you ever strapped one to your body?
    6) Do you think Clinton should be able to serve a third term?
    7) Do you think Christians should still be fed to lions?
    8) Would you consider your political views "Left of the Left?"
If you answered "No" to any of these questions, please stop here, you are not suitable to speak at Harvard.

If you have made it this far, please submit this form to Harvard for further consideration. We will interview you to make sure there is absolutely nothing that appears to be common sense or main stream thought emitting from your mouth. After all, we must be open minded at such a prestigious educational institution. If you are not suitable to speak at Harvard, please go take a flying leap. Maybe Yale will take you. You may enjoy the post below this one regarding the NFL.

Please be aware: If you are the most successful African American Female in US government, you are welcome to speak at Harvard but you will face massive protests and name calling.

Thank you,
The Harvard Board of Directors

3 comments:

Apu said...

some things just don't make any sense. unless Khatemi defects and condemns terrorism, condemns Muslim extremism, even the actions of his own government, then I just don't understand having him speak here and now.

The timing is more than objectionable and indicates to me: the one thing Harvard and everyone in academia fears more than another Republican in office--the fear of becoming irrelevant.

In some ways, they already are and have been for some time. It is clear that this kind of political grandstanding in the name of "intellectual discourse" is a desperate plea for attention.

what would be better: have Khatemi and Netanyahu (former Prime Minister of Israel) dialogue on ethics and tolerance in Muslim-Jewish relations. Now that would be educational and actually serve the lofty purpose that they claim to be pursuing.

I would love to ask a Jewish Harvard student with a government/political science major what they're thinking about all this.

Hopefully Khatemi's motorcade will go past the Boston Holocaust memorial on his way from Logan to Cambridge.

Anonymous said...

Marc, speaking of events coordinated with the 5th anniversary of 9/11, what do you think of CNN's real time coverage of the events as they happened on that day?

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/09/07/
911.pipeline/

Also, any comments on the famed Crocodile Hunter since it seems like it's all I've been seeing on the news this past week?

Anonymous said...

I just wrote a big reply and had it disappear! How frustrating is that?!

OK -- the summary -- probably preferable to the first one anyway.

I was glad they reaired the 9/11/01 broadcast. I watched about an hour and half on MSNBC -- from 9:15 until just after the towers fell.

It was a choice and I was glad to have the option. I think it's worth remembering what it felt like on that day. I don't think I noticed at the time how shocked the broadcasters sounded. Not devastated -- genuinely shocked. I had forgotten some of the order of events of how it played out-- information coming in about the Pentagon, etc.

My friend and neighbor didn't want to watch. She recalled having nightmares for weeks after the attack and she was no where near there. She didn't want to relive it.

I was glad that cable offered my the option to watch, someone else can chose to do something else -- play with their kids, go shopping, pay bills, read blogs, whatever.

I wanted to see it again and feel whatever I would feel five years later.