Are You Kidding?!

The Umpires for the ALCS once again proved that they had money on which team went to the World Series.

I've proven in my previous posts their ineptitude. Now there's more. (As if I needed more proof).

Take a look at these two images:
How many of these runners are out? Are any of them making contact with the bag when they were tagged? Well, let's ask the runners. Posada, Cano, are you both out?
Yup. The runners clearly both think they are out. Here they are walking back to the dug out with no argument. What does the "umpire" say? Only one is out.

If that's not bad enough for you. Take a look at this:
Now, unless that runner is Gumby, Plastic Man, or Mrs. Incredible, then he's out. The "umpire" calls him safe. This one is not as egregious because the crew chief calls this runner out on third for leaving too early on a sacrifice fly. He didn't, but he never should have been on third, so they made up for that one.

I'm sorry, I've lost count, exactly how many blown calls have gone in favor of the Yankees?

And so now we have to resign ourselves to probably the most boring World Series imaginable. The defending world champions vs the team everyone expects to be there. Snooze-fest. There's not Cinderella team, no underdog, and no storied franchise in search of a long lost victory. The only interesting facts of this are match up is that it's A-Rod's first World Series (I'm expecting A-Rod to return to is usual October self) and Pedro has another opportunity to shut down the Yankees.

Hamels, Lee, Pedro vs Sabathia, Petit, Burnett. Edge goes to the Phillies.

Baseball Costumes

Two part post. (If you don't like sports, just skip to the second part of the post)

First: Apparently the Umpires in the Angels/Yankees games are normal people disguised as umpires. "I'm not an Umpire but I play one in the post season."

The situation was runners on 1st and 2nd with two out. Full count on the batter and the runners were stealing with the pitch. Ball four, wild pitch. The ball careens off of the catcher and into the stands. The umpires only award the runners the bases they would have gotten due to the walk. I guess nobody read their rulebook today. MLB Rule 7.05h states:

[Runners shall be awarded] One base, if a ball, pitched to the batter, or thrown by the pitcher from his position on the pitcher’s plate to a base to catch a runner, goes into a stand or a bench, or over or through a field fence or backstop. The ball is dead;
APPROVED RULING: When a wild pitch or passed ball goes through or by the catcher, or deflects off the catcher, and goes directly into the dugout, stands, above the break, or any area where the ball is dead, the awarding of bases shall be one base. One base shall also be awarded if the pitcher while in contact with the rubber, throws to a base, and the throw goes directly into the stands or into any area where the ball is dead. (emphasis added)

The runners had already advanced due to the steal/walk. They then should have been awarded one base because of the passed ball: runner on 3rd scores, 2nd moves to 3rd and 1st to 2nd.

This is key because the pitcher then threw another wild pitch. In the game it allowed the tying run to cross the plate. He should have scored on the walk and this wild pitch should have allowed the runner who was on 2nd to score the go ahead run. But it's the Yankees and they get a little bit of favoritism.

Think I'm just jealous? This runner was called out: Need some more proof? Here it is nice and big for you: (As if I needed more ammunition for my argument. The "proximity out" (which has driven me crazy my entire baseball life) is apparently only an out every time in every game... unless it's extra innings in the post season in favor of the Yankees.) (Ok, sports ends here)

Second: There seems to be a bit of hoopla about this year's Halloween Costume. An alien, wearing an orange jump suit that says "Illegal Alien" on it. People have written to the stores carrying this and to its manufacturers calling it "distasteful, mean-spirited, and ignorant of social stigmas and current debate on immigration reform." Really? Does "Immigration reform" include allowing people to cross the boarder illegally? I must have missed that paragraph in the new laws being proposed. "Mean-spirited?" I know. How dare anyone poke fun at felons. We need to remove the Bernie Madoff mask this year, (Anyone else find it slightly humorous that he "Made Off" with billions?) and how could we have possibly carried the Ted Kazinski costumes? Oh, wait, those people broke laws that we agree with? I see. What's that? Oh, it's because it's a large group that's being offended? Well, every space alien that I've spoken to doesn't seem to mind.

Truth be told, the "Green card" may be crossing the line. If they have a green card they are not an illegal alien unless they've over stayed their welcome. Get rid of the accessory and you've got yourself a funny, poignant, timely costume.

Tax Curiosity

When filling out your taxes, have you ever noticed some of the strange things that can be deducted from your taxes? Ever think about what that means? Basically, the government is saying that these are things they won't tax.

Interest on your mortgage, tax free. Interest on a student loan, tax free. Do you rent? Rent-payments, tax free. Charitable donations? Tax free. Putting some money away for retirement? No tax on that.

Ok, charitable donations I understand. I do not benefit from that money in the slightest, thanks for not taxing it. I also understand not taxing the money I put in my 401K (which doesn't have anywhere near $401K in it!) You want to be able to tax it when I take it out and you are at least decent enough not to tax the same money twice. Or are you?

Why do you tax the money that I pay in taxes? In CT, if I buy a $1 item, I pay $0.06 in taxes. That's money that's already been taxed! If I get an income tax refund, I have to declare that on my next year's taxes as though it's new income! I don't think so! It's not new income, you just took out too much of what I already earned! You taxed me on that last year, and now you are going to tax me on it again! (I won't even go down the road of if I pay you late I owe you interest but if you hold my money for the better part of a year you keep my interest!)

Here is what I propose: Provide everyone with an individual tax ID number (We can call it our TIN). Embed it into our credit cards, debit cards, put it on our drivers' licenses. It records the total amount of taxes paid throughout the year: Sales tax, entertainment tax, luxury tax, death tax, airport tax, tourism tax, car registration fees, property tax, etc etc etc etc etc (there are lots of taxes) etc etc. This amount gets deducted from our taxable income. Therefore, I'm no longer sending $0.20 of every dollar to the Feds plus at least 5% of every dollar I have left that I spend. I'm no longer paying taxes on money on which I've already been taxed.

Can anyone tell me why the government has decided that the money I give to my mortgage company isn't taxed but the money that I give to my credit card company is? Why is the money that I use to buy and education not taxed, but the money that I use to buy electricity or heat is? I really have a hard time making sense of much of this.

Fatherhood: Day VI, Return of the Mommy

This morning again began at 3AM. However, either I'm getting better at getting her back to sleep or her heart wasn't in it this morning because it was only an hour this time. She then woke up at 6:30 and was not going back to sleep anywhere! I think she realized she'd fallen victim to the oldest trick in the book, "put the tired child in the car and you will soon have a sleeping child" and felt the need to pay it back. I attempted my usual "you play in the playroom, I sleep on the couch." She was having none of that either. I drifted for as long as it took for her to toddle her way from the train table to the couch and awoke to one little hand smacking the couch in front of my face and the other little hand pointing to her high chair and a little voice going, "Eh eh eh eh." Alright, I'll feed you!

Full House wakes up around 7:30 and we start to get ready for church. Now, on any other day I could tell him that we had to visit a pig slaughter house and he'd be marginally excited about it. Tell him that we are going to church, a place at which he has fun every time he's there, and he screams and cries.

I learned that it's surprisingly easier to get three people ready to go than it is four. And while my daughter's strategy was one of retaliation, it actually facilitated a more efficient morning than I'm used to. With her insistence that I feed her before 7AM that meant there was less I needed to do as we approached our time of departure as her hunger was satiated and she was dressed before her brother even woke up.

Full House, on the other hand, fights getting dressed, doesn't want to eat and cries most of the way to church. We work through the tears and actually get to the building and he's thrilled when he sees our friends driving in (Friends that I rarely beat to church, I might add). Once inside he practically leaps from my arms and runs to our friends. Why can't I figure out my 3 year old?

Full House is in his Sunday School. Wild Card reluctantly joins him but is not happy that neither mommy nor daddy is there. Daddy is teaching the high school youth group (The current series: "Epic Fails of the Bible." Discussing how "great men and women of God" failed and yet were still so highly regarded and attempting to learn from their shortcomings. We've done Jonah and Esau so far. Barak is next (Judges 4).)

*Side note* To answer your inquiry: My preparation was so "impeccable" for two reasons. As promised, I've begun reviewing and forming the lesson a little bit each night throughout the week. However, I'm still completing everything on Saturday night so it is very fresh in my mind when I go to teach it Sunday morning. I've toyed with preparing before hand, say Friday night, and reviewing on Saturday night, but it's just not the same. I've found that my lesson is most cohesive and I present it best when I've finalized it mere hours before I teach it. It's also still fresh to me, so I'm not bored by it so (hopefully) I don't bore others with it. I hope that answers your question. *End Side note*

After church we rush home to see if the QoH has contacted us to say when to pick her up. Little Miss Muffet (as she's referred to on my wife's blog) has, again, fallen asleep in the car (insert maniacal laugh here). No contact yet. Lunch and rush to nap time because I know I'm going to have to wake him up to get his mommy.

The call comes in. Pick up the QoH at the train station at 5.

The reunion is set. I've been mulling over some things that I've been tempted to say to her as soon as we see her. Here are some of my favorites:

11) Don't be surprised if we get a call from the FBI...
10) Good news! Full House is immune to poison ivy!
9) What? No, he had that when you left.
8) The doctor says there will hardly be a scar.
7) Did you know our health care covered snake bites?
6) My turn.
5) I'm 90% sure this is the right baby.
4) So, remember the car?
3) At least this child is still walking.
2) Don't worry, the police have been notified.

and my personal favorite:

1) Didn't you take her with you?!

I rouse my son to go get his mommy. He proceeds to cry the entire way to the station for his mommy to hold him because he's so tired because I woke him from his nap so we could go get his mommy. Why can't I figure out my 3 year old?

As soon as he sees my smiling wife he is an excited cherub. Of course, I say none of the things listed above. We go out to dinner. On the way home Wild Card does not fall asleep in the car, but the QoH does. She'd been traveling for nearly 24 hours. I get the younglings into bed and sit down to write this final instalment of my adventure.

My closing thoughts: I think my daughter and I will have a stronger relationship because of this time. When Full House was about 4 months old we had just moved and I was out of work. I had more time than we could afford to be home and present in his life. Wild Card missed out on this. I think this odyssey has provided us with an opportunity to bond more fully.

I have a better understanding of the thrills and monotony that my wife goes through day in and day out.

To my male friends with children I have some bad news: If I can do it, you can do it. You may want to hide this series from your wives if it isn't too late already.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, calls, and comments. Before my wife left, I joked that my daughter's first words would be, "Daddy, when are you going back to work?" And truthfully, I didn't think I'd be saying this but: I'm not really looking forward to returning to work tomorrow. I will miss the time with my little ones (and my wife, now that she's home.)

Thanks for "experiencing" this with me. I hope you enjoyed these posts.

Fatherhood: Day V, The End is Near

I've endeavored to have each post begin and end at midnight of each day. Therefore, this post would begin at 3AM when Wild Card woke up. It would continue until 4:30 when she finally went down and then it would start up again at 6AM when she woke up again. I could not get her down in her own bed so I figured I'd try what the QoH always does. My daughter was kind enough to fall back asleep next to me until almost 8!

With this being my final full day on my own, as it were, I packed it to the gills. We had breakfast and I figured I'd attempt the same maneuver I tried on Thursday. I got my little lady to sleep in her crib for her nap and prepared to take everyone to our local Apple Harvest Festival. That took about an hour so even though I managed to get her into her car seat asleep, when I put her in the car she woke up. No problem.

Full House was very excited to take the school bus shuttle from the high school to the festival. Some kind strangers helped me with the stroller on and off the bus while I juggled two children and a diaper bag. Clearly the highlight of the festival was the ferris wheel and the little kiddie roller coaster. We went to those three times.

Gia met us at the festival and we had fun walking around, looking at crafts. Full House got a froggy balloon animal. We got to see the annual bed races and I got to be a responsible father and register both children with the Amber Alert system.

Then it was time to go home, have lunch and nap time. All went without a hitch.

Seeing as I wasn't able to have my car looked at yesterday, I arranged to have it seen today. I took Full House and Wild Card over to Gia's house and drove to my mechanic friend's house. I packed dinner for them and began to execute a premeditated plan.

Seeing as they ganged up on me last night, I figured I'd stage a counter-offensive myself. I purposefully kept them out just a little longer than I should have. Little Miss fell asleep in the car on the way home and Little Man couldn't wait to crawl into bed. How do you like dem apples?!

What a fairly uneventful day.

Fatherhood: Day IV, Lessons Learned

They are working together. I'm sure of it. Yesterday morning it was Wild Card that wouldn't go to sleep. This morning Full House wakes up because he "heard a bear" and will not go back to sleep. He wants to play. See the last post for an explanation of what I did.

The morning was uneventful. I had planned earlier in the week to have a friend of mine come over to look at our cars. More on that later. Originally, he was going to stop by around noon and I had some errands to run. Great, we'll go out and get those done before he gets here.

Get everybody ready and see Wild Card give a great big yawn. Oh No! It's 10:15. Nap time. Yesterday taught us not to miss this nap so, what do I do?

I'll tell you! I got her to sleep in her crib. Got my Little Man and everything we needed out to the car. Then transported a sleeping little girl from her crib to her car seat, threw a thick blanket over the car seat to keep it nice and dark and brought her out to the car. She didn't wake up until our third stop! :)

We got home around noon and learned that my friend couldn't make it until later in the afternoon. No problem. Lunch. Playtime. Nap time.

That's right. I got both of them down for a nap at the same time! Then I took one.

About forty minutes after I put her down, Wild Card woke up. That wasn't a long enough nap. I got her to go back to sleep!

For as much of a novice that I was day 3, on day 4 I was a professional.

Oh, and for those of you "in the know", it should be no surprise when I inform you that my friend never made it.

That evening it was clear that my children sensed my confidene and decided to test it.

First Wild Card did a bedtime feign by pretending to be tired around 7:30. I was surprised but didn't want to keep her up if she was tired. So we started the bedtime routine. I got her into her room and she pulled the bait and switch and started crying. Ok, she didn't have a whole lot for dinner, maybe she's still hungry. She had a few pieces of banana. Replay a few of her bedtime steps so she understands. More crying (and not normal bedtime crying). Ok, maybe she wasn't really tired. Let's play. More crying. Diaper? Nope. Teeth? Nope.

Wild Card has since given the secret signal to Full House and he starts getting antsy. "Daddy, can you come play with me?" "Daddy, read me a story." "Daddy, I'm getting tired." "Daddy, I'm hungry!" Each time a little more upset.

And Wild Card has begun phase two. Pretend to be asleep until Daddy closes the door. Then stand and scream. Full House sees me come out of the room and has a book in hand. I go into stop her screaming and he starts.

Finally, two hours after their little ruse began, Wild Card falls asleep. I exit the room with trepidation, fully expecting to be back in within a few moments. Full House and I read some stories, pray, brush his teeth, sing and head to bed. He drifts off around 10pm.

So, was I Rommel being tricked by the Allies in June of '44 or was I Belichick slowly dismantling the explosive offense of the L.A. Rams in '00? I'm not sure, you tell me.

You Gotta Be Kidding Me!

This runner was called safe.
And this runner was called safe.
(In both cases the defensive player has the ball in his glove.)

The real kicker is that these runners are the same player! And the umpire was the same ump!

I wonder what Howard Kendrick has on CB Bucknor. Or what does Bucknor owe to Kendrick? Or what did Kevin Youkilis ever do to Bucknor? Or perhaps the umpire just thought it would be fitting for a man named Bucknor to make a couple of errors at first base during a Red Sox playoffs game.

Whatever the case. I sincerely hope that this man's performance removes him from any future series. And I hope that for the next four games he is regulated to the right field foul line!

Fatherhood: Day III, Romans 1:22

The day started out great! my daughter woke up early and I wasn't able to get her back down, but... no big deal. I just did what I would normally have done even if the QofH were home: Brought her to the playroom and fell asleep on the couch.

We were going to her library program and then to a local children's museum. I thought ahead. The night before I'd planned what I'd take for their lunches. That morning I gathered everything: food, drinks, diapers, wipes, sweatshirts, shoes, you name it: if I needed it, I had it.

I put the food in the cooler, I put the cooler on the floor. I put the diapers in the baby bag, I put the baby bag next to the cooler. I put the wipes next to the baby bag on the floor.

We head out to the library program and arrive on time! (For those of you who don't know our clan, this is incredibly shocking!) So there I am, one of perhaps two or three fathers with my two excellently behaved children singing and clapping. Wives looking at me like "I wish my husband would ..." I was the man.

We head to the museum. I'm thinking, "This day is going to be so easy. Library. Museum. Lunch. Museum. Home for naps. Dinner. Bed. Cake." (Not that I would have cake, but rather the day would be easy as cake.)

"...Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools." (Romans 1:22 KJV)

Does anyone else know how hard it is to keep tabs on a 3 and 1 year old in a children's museum? At practically no time did they want to do the same thing at the same time (save the water table.) Lunch time rolls around and I'm so thankful because I'm beat. Full House doesn't want what I brought him for lunch. No problem I buy the reasonable lunch at the museum (Truthfully. Reasonable. $4.50 gets Easy Mac, juice box, Smartfood, and a scoop of ice cream with sprinkles!) Wild Card is cranky. Why is she cranky? Oh yes. Daddy forgot about her nap. It's already after noon. And Full House didn't nap yesterday so we are reaping those benefits as well.

Feed little Miss Cranky while Mister Complainy-pants waits impatiently for his Easy Mac to cool. Alright, time to start to rock little Miss Whinny to sleep. Oh, she needs a diaper change. I'll just grab the wipes that are still sitting on the kitchen floor! No problem. Children's museum equals lots of children, right? Not today! What was a blessing the entire morning (no waiting, no obnoxious other kids) suddenly exacerbates my problem. Sorry little girl: a napkin and a cup of water to the rescue.

Ok, she's sleeping in my arms. He's finished his lunch and has moved on to the ice cream. Now I get to devour my food and back to the museum.

Twenty minutes later for absolutely no reason she wakes with a crazy start. She calms down but will not go back to sleep. We enjoy the rest of our time at the museum.

Piling children into the car and Full House smells funny but refuses to let me change his diaper because he saw what I had to do for his sister. He also refuses to sit in his car seat because it's uncomfortable. You gotta make a choice, Buddy. He chooses to wait until we have wipes to get changed.

Home. Snack and nap for Full House but not for Wild Card. If I put her down at 3 she won't go to bed until after 9. I feed her at 5 and I wake him up at 6 for dinner. She's in bed by 7:30 which totally throws him off schedule. He seems to think I'm letting him stay up later than usual and practically begs to go to bed around 8.

Me? I figure I'll post my adventure after I relax for a few minutes and fall asleep on the couch around 9.

Half way through the day I was thinking that I was The Natural. Turns out I was more like The Rookie!

Now Daddy, what did we learn?

Fatherhood: Day II, The Adventure Continues

Today started out great! Wild Card woke up at 5AM (As she usually does) but I was able to get her back to sleep in her own bed. This is somewhat of a feat. I did not do this out of selfishness, but rather because my bed is not surrounded by bubble-wrap three feet deep.

I fell back to sleep. I was awoken at about 8ish by two children yelling for me. One with words and one without. Not sure how long they were in this state but they were fine once I went in. No harm, no foul.

Breakfast was easy (does this mean I didn't feed them enough last night?) Basically, it felt like a Saturday. We bummed around the house. Wild Card took a nap. Then it was time for lunch.

Any grace I'd received from my children ended here. I think Full House had the following thought: "If he's staying, he's gonna pay for it." I'm not sure how long it took for him to eat 1/2 of a PB&J. I probably could have visited the QoH before he was done.

To break the monotony we went to a park. On the way, Daddy realized he forgot about Full House's nap. Oh well! Apparently there was a tornado in the area but Wild Card thought the wind was the funniest thing she'd ever seen.

Got home, friends brought dinner: pizza (Suddenly my children were saints). Don't worry, Wild Card had Chicken and frozen fruit.

PJ's and bed. I think Full House was out before his head hit the pillow. Wild Card decided that she was too easy on me at lunch and chose to cry for 45 minutes before determining that I'd suffered enough.

I wonder what they'll devise for me tomorrow!

Adventures in Fatherhood

The Queen of Hearts was invited to a wedding! In Europe!

Truth be told, the entire family was invited but, after mulling it over, we determined that the best course of action was to send my fantastic wife back to her favorite city without three tag-alongs.

I hope to chronicle my six day odyssey here on JMO for two reasons. Hopefully, it will get me back into the habit of posting. Second: If my wife finds an Internet kiosk in Praha, she can rest assured that, at the very least, her precious ones are still alive.

The QoH flew out of JFK and the plan was that she would catch a train to Grand Central, hop on a shuttle and soar into the stratosphere.

We missed her train. So I offered, with our semi-reliable car (which is more reliable than our other car) to drive her right to the airport. Everything goes without a hitch and we see her off (and her children took it better than she). Full House, Wild Card and I watch some planes take-off. We wave to "mommy's plane" and say goodbye (Good thing little ones can't read. "Daddy, I thought mommy was flying Delta, that plane says 'JetBlue'") We leave the airport just after 3PM.

We arrive at home at 7.

Was it the car? Nope. The semi-reliable car proved reliable for the whole day! Nope it was traffic: Bridges, accidents, cities, morons. Thank goodness for our new GPS! It has a "Detour" button. I saw more back streets in more towns than I ever care to again. Why did it take so long seeing as I had a GPS? As soon as I saw the traffic I'd hit that handy little button and sit in traffic that wasn't moving to get off on an exit onto a road that clearly has more street lights than it needs.

Now, having said all of that: my children have been fed and are now sleeping all snug in their beds. I am so proud of how they conducted themselves today and that is a testament to their fantastic upbringing.

My kids are the best and it's because of my wife!